Trans Visibility

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Story for All Ages

Sermon Audio

How to Be an Ally of Transgender People

by Stephine M. Dykes, PhD

Honor pronouns and names: Use my pronouns and use my name, even it’s not my legal name yet. Don’t “dead name” me. If I tell you that my pronouns are “they / them,” call me by those pronouns.

State your own pronouns: This is a sign of your solidarity with transgender people because we often have to tell people what pronouns we use.

If you’re not sure what pronouns to use, ask: It’s better to ask me what pronouns I use than to use the wrong pronoun. Using the wrong pronoun is at best “trans erasure.”

Symbols on your office door or refrigerator: If you put the transgender flag on your office door or your refrigerator, this communicates to me that you value transgender people.

Stand up for transgender people in the places we cannot be: Haters will often wait to say bad things about transgender people until we are out of hearing range. Please let the haters know that what they are saying is wrong and mean.

Be aware of gendered words: Languages are full of gendered words, such as “sir, ”ma’am,” guys, etc. Please avoid these. This is another case of transgender erasure. If you need a “plural you” or some other way to address of people, use words like “everyone,” “folks,” “people,” and “y’all.” These are all non – gendered ways to refer to groups of people without using a gendered term, like “guys” or “ladies and gentlemen.”

Let your money show your allyship: You can’t be an ally if you patronize businesses or donate to charities that oppress LGBTQ+ people. You can buy books written by transgender people; this will also put money from royalties into the pockets of transgender authors. If you vacation in a state that passes anti – transgender legislation, you are having a positive economic impact on state – sponsored terrorism. You can also donate money to transgender organizations; these organizations are shoe – string budget organizations, and every dollar donated helps.

How you vote matters: You can’t say you are a transgender ally if you vote for people who hate us. There is one political party that has put a lot of time and energy in trying to make transgender people second – class citizens. Be an informed voter.

Do your own research: Don’t ask a transgender person a question that you can answer on your own about being transgender. It can be really tiring as a transgender person to answer questions.

Make sure your brain is engaged when talking with a transgender person: If a person is presenting as female, no matter how masculine that person is, if they tell you to use she, her, hers pronouns, you must make sure your brain is not on automatic pilot. You will like end up using the wrong pronouns, which can be really damaging to a transfeminine person.

Be aware of inappropriate and offensive questions and statements: Don’t ask me what surgeries I have had. What business is that of yours? Would you ask that of a cisgender person? If the answer is “no,” then you shouldn’t ask that of a transgender person either.

Don’t out anyone: You can cause major damage to someone’s life if you inadvertently out them. In the case of minors this can be especially damaging if that person is not already out to their parents.

Work to make organizations you are a part of transgender – friendly: As social animals, humans can belong to multiple groups, including houses of worship, clubs, choruses, sports teams, etc. These memberships are opportunities for non – transgender persons to work to make the world a more accepting place for queer people, and especially for transgender people.

Don’t buy in to anti – transgender tropes: The social, religious, and political right in our country would have you believe that transgender people want to use restrooms and locker rooms for nefarious purposes. The far right would have you believe that there are armies of transgender people, especially girls and women, who want to play sports in a manner that honors their gender identity solely to have an advantage over cisgender girls and women. Please know that these tropes are patently false.

Transgender Day of Remembrance (November 20): Do the organizations you are a part of observe Transgender Day of Remembrance? Do you know what Transgender Day of Remembrance is?

Transgender Day of Visibility (March 31): This is another big deal. Do the organizations of which you are a part observe Transgender Day of Visibility?

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